A Motivational Dilemma

I don’t know if I’ve said this on my blog before, but I’ve never been a people person.  And that’s true on many levels.  I prefer to stay inside where I can have little contact with the outside world.  Social interaction makes me nervous and talking to someone I don’t know scares the daylights out of me.  Well, that’s a bit of an exaggeration, but it get’s the picture across.  I’m not nearly that bad, but it doesn’t help with interviews.

And the letter that I got this morning from MECOP (Mechanical Engineering Co-op, or something like that, I can’t ever remember) punctuates that for me.  As anyone who’s been keeping up with my recent posts would know, I’m going to college at Oregon State University and this whole MECOP thing is an internship program where they sit you down in front of a panel of representatives from companies and you get interviewed.  Now, glance back to the top of the page where I just finished saying how I don’t like social interaction.  Needless to say I did my best and came out of the interview feeling alright.  I remember feeling like that, but as my analytical mind would have it, I kept thinking back on the interview and what I said, and honestly, I could have come up with better responses than the ones that I gave them.

As much as I assured myself that I did alright, I knew deep down that I hadn’t done my best in there.  For a first interview, it was good, I’ll grant myself that since I’ve never done anything like that ever.

That’s all well and fine, but on to why I titled this post the way I did.  The results of the MECOP interviews are in and the letter I got had the heading: “Denial Notification”.  Cheery header right, but that I was all I needed to read to know that I had not made the cut for any of the companies looking to pick up interns.  Don’t worry, I read the letter through twice, and it basically says the same thing as that header.

So, this basically means for me, my long term plans, have been uprooted and I’m staying here in Corvallis for the next Spring and Summer term and I will apply next year.  Needless to say, I’m in a rather less than happy mood and pity anybody that looks at me the wrong way, but on the bright side of things, it gives me time to focus and get more of my education done before heading off into the industry.  Hah!  I think I said in a previous post, I’d currently my motivation.  I set my self some short term goals, but this doesn’t help me with my long term goals.  And really, anymore I don’t have much of a clue as to where or what I want to do.  All I know is that I want to finish up this Bachelor’s degree.  After that, who knows.

Becoming a full time writer, though not the most lucrative job is looking better and better.  Maybe I’ll sign up for a writing class this next term.

If you’ve made it this far into the post, thanks for sticking it through my rant, and if you’re a long time reader, thanks for sticking with my blog.

You know, I think I might have found some motivation to write cause I need to get rid of all this pent up emotion and writing helps.  I guess on that note, expect more Black-Heart installments.



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